AOL’s DailyFinance offers trove of headline hilarity

Posted by Josh Friedlander | 1 Comment

These are all current headlines on DailyFinance, an AOL money & finance site. I did not alter them in any way! My comments follow each ‘headline.’

Latest Money News
* Worse-than-expected economic data hurts stocks
(JF: Always true!)

* Services sector pullback slows, factory orders up
(JF: read: services still declining. Also, people buy 1 item, so orders up)

* Bernanke: start work now to curb budget deficit
(JF: Get your lazy ass off couch, U.S., and get job!)

* GM, Chrysler defend slashing dealerships
(JF: “Slashing Dealerships”? Like serial killers? They defend them? Or they defend slashing them? Misplaced modifier!)

* Biogen calls proxy vote recess in fight with Icahn
(JF: Did they dial and 800 number? Did they catch Icahn fighting the recess?)

* Appeals court to hear appeal of Chrysler sale
(JF: nothing to make fun of, except real news is that they BLOCKED THE SALE…action verbs and all that)

* AP Source: AIG agrees to sell 2 NYC buildings
(JF: Do they own these buildings? Or are they back to selling things they don’t own, like when they sold bond insurance without having any reserves?)

* Jobless rates rise in all US metro areas in April
(JF: Stay away from the cities in April! You might lose your job!)

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