You got to know when to Fuld ‘em

Another one for this year’s Follies show, now that “Fuld’s Still Standing” no longer works.

You got to know when to Fuld ‘em

On a warm Sunday night, as we neared the election
Bernanke met with Paulson. They were both too screwed to sleep.
So they took turns a starin’ back in history’s direction
The horror overtook them, and Ben began to speak

He said, Hank I’ve made a life out of studyin’ the depression
And knowin’ that the bank runs put breadlines in the streets
But if you don’t mind me sayin’, though I see we’re in recession,
I’m concerned we better chill it, and stop givin’ bankers treats

So Hank nodded and he shuffled and he gave a half-heart smile
Then he texted Dubya, and we walked into the night
When we gave the news to Lehman, we could see they weren’t happy
We said you losers can’t treat bailouts like they’re a corporate human right

You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to Fuld ‘em
Know when to walk away and know when to run
You got your big fat bonus takin’ risks that weren’t stable
So you can’t expect the public, to protect you when you’re done

Now every trader knows that the secret to survivin’
Is knowin’ when to short a stock or buy it on the cheap
’cause every stock’s a winner and every stock’s a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to shear all the sheep

So when Fuld finished squawkin, he turned back towards the boardroom
Packed up a cardboard box and wobbled down the Street
And somewhere in the darkness, old Adam Smith got even
The Keynesians had lost one, and the bankers took the heat

You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to Fuld ‘em
Know when to walk away and know when to run
You got your big fat bonus takin’ risks that weren’t stable
So you can’t expect the public, to protect you when you’re done