Quality of life redefined as milkshake

Posted by Josh Friedlander | 1 Comment

Many corporate lawyers live in a state of denial and rationalization. First, they tend to think they are clever. I don’t know why they think it’s clever to spend an entire career working 80 hour weeks doing work that very few people would choose to do.

Secondly, while acknowledging that they’ve chosen a risk-averse career path in order to earn a stable and high income stream, they tend to overvalue that risk/reward ratio. I don’t think it’s any huge mystery that many lawyers excel at logic and cynicism but don’t rank very high in terms of native math skills or they’d realize it’s far more profitable, per unit of safety, to work as investment bankers (for instance).

I exempt from this analysis lawyers who help people (as opposed to those who help corporations). There’s a bit more interest in that line.

Unsurprisingly, these corporate cogs are so victimized by their own narrow-mindedness, they think that getting a milkshake or a random gift every now and then equates to quality of life, as this New York Times piece, For Lawyers, Perks to Fit a Lifestyle, demonstrates:

In Perkins Coie’s Chicago office, members of the firm’s “happiness committee” recently left candied apples on everyone’s desks. Last month, the happiness committee surprised lawyers, paralegals and assistants in the Washington office with milkshakes from a local Potbelly Sandwich Works, a favorite lunch spot.

“That’s the whole beauty of it all — it’s random acts of kindness,” said Lori Anger, client relations manager of Perkins Coie, which is based in Seattle. “We have pretty strict hours, so it’s a nice way to surprise people.”

Holy cow! That’ll keep the law school applications flowing in!

Astoundingly, the piece’s author, Lynnley Browning, seems to buy into this absurdity.

The benefits go beyond the laptops and BlackBerrys, late-night rides home, Friday beer-and-pretzel fests and sports tickets that are standard fare at many large and midsize law firms. Many of the new perks recognize a lifestyle change that law firms are just coming to grips with.

Wow! Laptops and a Blackberry are perks? I thought they were tools used for work. You know, ways for law firms to keep you billing even when you’re theoretically at home or on vacation. They are tools of corporate control — not signs of freedom.

Oh, and Beer and Pretzel fests. Great! Get fat and spend what little social time you have with the same jerks you have to see the other 80 hours of your week. That’s a fabulous idea. And as soon as it’s proposed, you know this sort of thing will be made mandatory.

This article is everything that’s wrong with our corporate culture right now. And it’s everything that’s wrong with journalism, too. Where in Maslow’s heirarchy of human needs fall electronic handcuffs and mandatory office social gatherings? I don’t think they’re up near the top. Or anywhere. What people need is time to unplug, go home, be with their families, or start families. Make friends. Have a hobby. They don’t need work time to expand into home time until there are no lines.

The NYTimes is cheerleading for this stuff. Why?

Oh, the article does discuss child care and some other more meaningful assistance that the law firms provide, though this basic human rights-type stuff is stuck in the “perks” category.

The bottom line is that if law firm jobs only required a normal amount of time from people, there would be no need for all these BS incentives. But that would require hiring more attorneys and paying everyone proportionately less, and we can’t have that. It’s important to have enough money to be miserable.

Comments