American Madness

Intelligent Criticism in the Service of a Better Nation


Posted by Matt Cipriano | No Comments

It’s been a good long while since we have had really ridiculous product to mock discuss here.

Today though is just a jackpot of a day where we have come across not one, but two totally different products worthy of being called out for this distinction.

First up we have Phone Fingers. “What’s a Phone Finger?” you ask (and I’m glad you did). A Phone Finger is, essentially, a condom for your finger. Made of very thin durable latex, you just roll it up your index finger and you’re protected.

Of course the next likely question on your mind is: “What are you protected from?” Well, the purpose of Phone Finger is “to prevent smudges and fingerprints” on your iPhone so you don’t need to clean it all the time. At least, they are aware of just how ridiculous this seems as they note on the site: “This is probably the funniest accessory for the iPhone available!” At least they are aware that they are a joke (though at 10EUR for 25, I am not quite sure who’s laughing.

Next up on the ridiculous meter we have a new razor from Gilette and the Art of Shaving, the collaborative razor from the Gilette Fusion line. The Fusion Chrome Collection POWER RAZOR is perfectly balanced and weighted to feel like a natural extension of your hand, maximizing stability and control.”

Okay, so far all we have is a nice high-end razor. “The sleek, contemporary handle is an ideal combination of ergonomics and innovative design, handcrafted in polished chrome and wrapped in a matte black, thermo-resin grip.” Still good. We’ve got words you’d normally expect to see with these types of products: sleek, ergonomic, innovative, handcrafted. Sounds like a quality product to me, right?

But here is where the real innovation lies: “The built-in spotlight, the first of its kind, reveals details normally in shadow – such as under the chin and jaw line – to help you avoid missed spots and make every stroke count.” Did they say “built-in spotlight?” I think they did.

Who needs a razor with a flashlight? Who is out there shaving in the dark? Random hairs sprouting from their face because the lighting wasn’t good enough to see they had missed a patch? When looking in your bathroom mirror, how much of your face in “normally in shadow”? And then there is the laugh-inducing price tag. For $150 I want a little something more then a built in flash light on my razor. I mean, at least the Phone Fingers know their product is a joke. This just makes the product developers seem like a joke.


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