iFight Breaks Out at Apple’s Fifth Ave Store!

AmericanMadness Exclusive!

A fight broke out today between two men at Apple’s 5th avenue store that left one man bloodied on the floor and resulted in the other being tossed into the street.

This exclusive is courtesy of crack American Madness stringer Matt Friedlander who was present at the scene where he too was waiting for a chance to play with the newly released iPhone, which some are calling “the Jesus phone,” a gadget as eagerly anticipated as…well…nothing has ever been this anticipated.

A demonstrably muscle-bound gentleman (a bodybuilder) was testing the phone for an extended period of time when the gentleman behind him in line, who just happened to be at least six feet one inches tall and of significant musculature himself, asked the fellow meathead if he could step aside, as he had been waiting at least 20 minutes.

The gym rat in possession of the iPhone then turned to the tall man and said, in an elevated voice: “Go f**k yourself. You’re acting like a child.” Friedlander reports that the man may also have said “It’s just a phone,” but he could not be certain if this is exactly what he heard as he was perhaps 15 people behind them in line. The object of this vitriol, the tall man, responded laconically, with three quick punches to the weightlifter’s face, which sent him crashing to the floor.

Two patrons of the store and an Apple staff member quickly removed the violent customer and the store was able to return to its typical state of bliss.

Folks, this story is exactly the sort of silly and indecent behavior I had contemplated when purchasing AmericanMadness.com. Can there be any doubt that the iPhone has captivated a large swath of society when even its most unshowered masses, yay they most in need of a cleansing after several sets of deadlifts, should visit the Apple store, sénéchal of all that is geek, and therein commence a brawl that didn’t involve elves or a spell of enchantment?

(If this were Cindy Adams’ column, surely she’d take this opportunity to say: Only in New York, kids, only in New York.)