The Witches of Greenwich

Last year was such a terrible year for hedge funds, and for many of the intermediaries that invest in them (called funds of funds), that Shakespeare was inspired to rise from his grave and paraphrase some of his earlier work:

Spoken in unison by two Funds of Funds:

Double, double, earn or fumble

Alphas fall, investors rumble

Fund of Funds 1:

Seed a fund and try to spark it

Measure it against the market

Equity was some mistake

Gave me quite the stomach ache

Changed my mind and chose distressed

Emerging markets, quite the mess

Spinoffs market ever humble

Lock-ups make the pensions mumble

FoF 1&2:

Double, double, pick and bumble;

Fees on fees ensure a stumble

Fund of funds 2:

Multi-strats crossed blackened cats

Arbitrage was killed on stats

Pension plans like losers acted

Health care perks are soon redacted

Unions, top hats, retirees

Are such a fickle crowd to please

Risky bets, so hard to measure,

Seldom lead to any pleasure

FoF 1&2:

Double, double, toil and trouble

Hedge funds roil, and markets bubble