“Stooples: Office Tools for Hopeless Fools” Tops “A Million Little Pieces”

Moosejaw, Minnesota (Jan. 10, 2006)–Stooples Inc. Thursday reacted angrily to accusations from website, TheSmokingGun.com that James Frey’s best-selling nonfiction memoir, “A Million Little Pieces” was “filled with fabrications, falsehoods, other fakery.”

“He may sit atop the New York Times best-seller list. Oprah loves him. But we’ve been purveyors of poppycock since long before James Frey beat Sir Edmund Hilary up Everest and discovered the cure for polio while on a bad acid trip,” said an irate Stooples CEO and Chairman Donny Steintrumper. “Our latest catalogue, ‘Stooples: Office Tools for Hopeless Fools’ is simply filled with way more fabrications, falsehoods and other fakery. And we’re darned proud of it.”

Steintrumper said he’s speaking out against The Smoking Gun expose on “A Million Little Pieces” because he fears that in the public outcry against Frey’s manure-spreading, “the world will forget that Stooples stands for huge whoppers across the globe in 27 different languages and Esperanto.”

“That’s actually a lie. We’re only in one language. See what I mean? Frey can’t touch us. None of our products exist. You think there’s really ‘Who Cut the Cheese Sodium Pentathol’ and the “Blackbury After-Death Communicator.’ C’mon. Heck, I’m not even real,” said the fictitious executive for a company that doesn’t even really exist.

Steintrumper acknowledged there are parallels between his life and Frey’s and similarities between Frey’s book and “Stooples: Office Tools for Hopeless Fools.”

“I’ve run over a few cops and puked on my shirt in my day,” Steintrumper said. “And while Frey initially shopped his book around as a work of fiction before his publisher and editor convinced him to repackage it as a lie-filled memoir, we actually were marketing our Stooples manuscript as a tear-jerking, real-world account of my ‘rags-to-riches’ life before St. Martin’s Press gave us $16.32 as an advance if we turned it into a mock catalogue filled with fart jokes.”

Steintrumper said he felt bad that Oprah Winfrey, who propelled Frey to fame and fortune by selecting his book for her elite book club, was being made to look foolish.

“Oh, girl, actually I’m not. All I can say is, ‘Oprah, Uma, Uma, Oprah,” Steintrumper said. “If she’s going to reclassify Frey’s book as her favorite ‘lie-filled’ selection of the month, Stooples demands a recount. He may have a million little lies in his book, but we have like 10 million. Or, let the public judge.”

“Stooples: Office Tools for Hopeless Fools” is a real book, just like Frey’s “A Million Little Pieces.” And it’s available here. Stooples is also a website. But we don’t make any money if you just view the website.

Take a look inside the book before buying. But remember to put on that Depend super-absorbant undergarment before reading. And bring a shovel, because we pile it on way deeper than Frey.