Yotel California

Look out large people, here comes Yotel.

It’s not a Pokemon character nor hostel for yodelers. The new Yotel is a chain of budget rooms which cram business travelers into 10-square-meter cabins. The first ones open this year at London Airports.

Simon Woodroffe, the sadistic bastard who created the concept, told the London Observer “it would be great to make small capsule rooms for hotels.” Why? Did he see Sade too many times?

After sitting through too many flights next to people who need an aisle couch more than an aisle seat, the last thing I want on a business trip is to lie down in a coffin. Ten square meters doesn?t sound like a lot, and it isn?t.

What will the bathroom look like? Thin women may be able to squeeze in, but men who have lived too much la vida loca? They can?t squeeze into their pants, let along this room.

Peeing is what worries me. Maybe you have to pee from outside the bathroom. If your prostrate isn?t challenged, this may work for you. Otherwise, you may fall short, which means you may be throwing Yotel’s napkin sized towels to cover up the mess.

And where do you put your clothes? On top of the TV? Do you even get a TV? Or do they just nail an iPod Nano to the wall?

I?m hyperventilating just thinking about this room.

It?s definitely not a room you can take a woman. ?Hi honey, how do you like my room? Ooof! Sorry you banged your head on the low hanging ceiling fixture. Don?t turn around too fast! Eeee! Uh, we better get housekeeping in here right away. Yea, I?m not in the mood any more either.?

Yotel rooms will cost 70 dollars a night. They will also include a twenty percent off coupons for Xanax prescriptions and post-business trip therapy.

Finally, I wonder about the showers. Is there room or do they just spray everyone down in the hallway?

If I must make a 2006 New Years Resolution, let it be this: I resolve not to get within ten square meters from a Yotel. This is one resolution I?m sure I can squeeze in.